The FAQ on finding your other half.
Okay, having done post after post of nonsense, I decided I should be(or try to be) more serious in my posts. Seriously. Too much nonsense was probably overkill, and anyway, I've ran out of ideas. So what better topic to get serious on than love right? So while I pretend to be an expert on love,(I am after all a professional
A kite is the key to solving the problem. Or was it a kite and a key will solve the problem? - Benjamin Franklin on solving problems regarding Love
To confess, or not to confess. - Shakespeare on Confessions
I told them to pick that dude who robs the rich and gives to the poor, but they picked me instead. - Cupid on Being appointed the God of love
I'd thought they would pick me for sure, but I guess my criminal record didn't do me any favours. - Robin Hood on Not getting the job
Okay, first things first. I'm sure the most burning question everyone has is, what is love? Well, love is basically a healthy form of OCD. Studies have shown that people in love exhibit comparable symptoms: intrusive one-track thoughts focused on one person which they know are irrational but can't get rid of. They start doing things they would never do like, follow the love object around, wait by the phone for their calls. In simpler terms, love is an obsession.
On to the next question. How do you tell if it's infatuation or love? In most cases, it starts with infatuation, then develops into love. However, for this development to take place, certain bonding chemicals must predominate. Yes, when they say love is like chemistry, they are actually telling the truth. Hormones such as endorphins with the aforementioned bonding chemicals such as vasopressin and oxytocin are needed for the progression from infatuation to love.
But, enough with the technical terms. If you really want to know when it's infatuation and when it's love, then there's a simple way to do it. Simply imagine the person having just met with an accident, and has been disfigured. Will you still "love" him/her? Oh, and don't give me that "how can I imagine such a thing about the love of my life" nonsense. I know you can, so just let that devil on your shoulder run wild.
I'm sure a question that most would like to ask, is why do people break up with their supposed other halves again, and again, and again? The answer is pretty simple. Cupid is a lousy marksman. He rarely hits the target on his first shot. Since your first love probably isn't your true love, try and get it over and done with, sharpish. This is not an encouragement to be lacklustre at your courtship with your first significant other. You should be wholehearted in it, as you might just be one of the few that Cupid actually gets right the first time round. This is actually to tell you that you shouldn't be hesitant in finding your other half. If you get your first love when you're forty, and it turns out wrong, you don't exactly have all the time in the world anymore.
Okay, now to the question about the question. How to make a confession? I am compelled to start listing some choice pick-up lines, but that isn't exactly the best idea. The important thing here is to be yourself. If being yourself happens to involve pick-up lines, then I wish you good luck. Anyway, you should be astute enough to know that the person is right for you if they like you for who you are, and not who you try to be.
Since we're on the topic of confessions, I shall add a part on how to deal with them. If a person you like confesses to you, then thank your lucky stars for they have just saved you from doing it yourself. Keep composed and be polite in your acceptance. You can jump for joy like a lunatic who believes himself to be a professional pogo-stick jumper in the privacy of your own home. Ah, what about confessions from someone you don't like? Well, Benjamin Franklin once said that there was never a bad piece of ass, we just have a problem with who they are attached to. Anyway, just be polite but firm. You must let them know that it definitely just wouldn't work out. Also, it's customary to add "I hope we can still be friends" at the end of your reply.
This brings me to the end of my serious-ish post. Now when you're in your golden years, and in the arms of your soulmate, you can look back at this and thank me. Oh, and let's not forget Cupid. You can thank him for hitting the target for you. However if you find yourself a drunk, schizophrenic octogenarian who's still single, then you might want to shout "Cupid, why haven't you hit the target yet?!" Ah, unfortunately, I can't answer that question.
Love is when you really like someone for reasons beside their financial status and physical appearance. - Captain Obvious on Love
Posted on 3/04/2007 01:12:00 AM
